Who wears a wallet chain?!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
