Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
