i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
