i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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