I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
