I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
