so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
