Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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