Need sex. Gaining weight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
