I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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