this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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