you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
