You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
