true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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