i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
