so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
