at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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