Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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