I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
