K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
