Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's always time for handjobs
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
