The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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