The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
