Whats the count minus fat chicks?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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