Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
