so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
