I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
