I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
