To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
