yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you would pick up someone in the library
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
