I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
