Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
