? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
