who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
