remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
