A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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