I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
