Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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