she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
