i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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