I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
