I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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