My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
