My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
