Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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