and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize