Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
