I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
