i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
