you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
