Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
