Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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