She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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